Bad things happen to good hearts

Well Eric and I did get back together for a short period of time. The happiest 4 months of my life. I don't know what happened but it just abruptly ended. I think it hurt worse this time than last. Maybe because I actually thought it was gonna work but I just set myself up for disappointment. I tried to talk to him but he just ignores me. Why would he just pick me up just to drop me. I was seriously happy he screwed me up again.
I can't say I am over it. I don't want to be over it. I want to hang on to him so bad and I don't know if it is because I am the one who doesn't want to be alone or if it is because I just loved him that much I can't imagine living life without him. I mean sure, since I am doing the LPN in August of next year it gives me time to frikin study and saves me money from going up there every other weekend but I would rather be broke and happy then be rich and miserable.
I miss his hands I use to make fun of, I miss the gaps between his teeth, I miss his obsessive rambling of smart nonsense that only made sense to him, and I miss laying next to him while he held me. I just hate knowing I am going to go without that for the rest of my life. And this time it really is over.

I give up.....

So I was supposed to go out with this guy named Cody today and if it wasn't me putting it off then it was him. I don't think I am ready to date again because if I was I would have gone out by now. I feel like I am cheating just thinking about moving on. I hate that I feel this way because I know its over with Eric but somehow it just doesn't feel like it should be over yet. Like we were supposed to stay together for the rest of our lives and fight like enemies but love like lovers. I don't know how to move on and it feels like I am spiraling down into the depths of depression with no one to pull me out. If he was here he could pull me out but he's not, never will be and never was. It was an illusion in my head that he actually loved and cared about me but he just didn't want to be alone. So I was the only thing that stopped him from being alone until he found new people and friends to replace me. I say I am done crying over it but I'm not. I don't cry as often but when I do it hurts. Bad.

The GOOD, THE BAD, and the Lonely =/

Eric and I officially broke up in December of 2012. Going back and forth just like a basketball in a game. Hurt, pain, love, tears, and more just is too much to handle when the other person isnt willing to fully commit. I want to kick my self sometimes for calling off a couple weeks ago for good and I know it was the best thing to do. I really loved him but maybe this heartbreak will go away. I seem to have latched on to a man that reminds me of him so much. I met him in game and even though I strictly refuse to even care for people in game that live hundreds to million miles away from me, this guy just intrigues me. I heard his voice and something just clicked. We have been talking ever since and he is planning on moving to Holly Hill, Florida next month which is only two hours from me. Should I pursue this? Or should I take time to find myself? What if he IS the one? What if he is that person that I have been waiting for my entire life that I have yet to find? Call it a rebound but I dont feel as if he is one. His heart is so pure and his self confidence non-existant. He likes me Im sure but he isnt willing to say for the same reasons why Im not willing to confess as well. So what do I do? I always seem to have the answers but this time I honestly dont. I will leave on this note though. I do plan on meeting him and if it kicks off the way im thinking it will, then this choice might be made for me. We will see....