I give up.....

So I was supposed to go out with this guy named Cody today and if it wasn't me putting it off then it was him. I don't think I am ready to date again because if I was I would have gone out by now. I feel like I am cheating just thinking about moving on. I hate that I feel this way because I know its over with Eric but somehow it just doesn't feel like it should be over yet. Like we were supposed to stay together for the rest of our lives and fight like enemies but love like lovers. I don't know how to move on and it feels like I am spiraling down into the depths of depression with no one to pull me out. If he was here he could pull me out but he's not, never will be and never was. It was an illusion in my head that he actually loved and cared about me but he just didn't want to be alone. So I was the only thing that stopped him from being alone until he found new people and friends to replace me. I say I am done crying over it but I'm not. I don't cry as often but when I do it hurts. Bad.